The Cat Whisperer

Well, you wouldn't believe this, but I have a secret talent: I speak Meow.  I understand everything my cat Annie says, which is a lot.  So I thought I would take this opportunity to fill you in on her big adventure down south.  Here's how the conversation went: 

Me (M): Hi Annie

Annie (A):  Meow (translation: hello)

M: Do you miss San Francisco?

A: Well I really liked our apartment there.  I loved to look out the window, especially on Sunday mornings when there was a Farmer's market and tons of kids and dogs and such to watch.   And I miss scratching the yellow reading chair.  I know you paid a lot of money for it and it used to make you mad, but it felt really good to dig my claws in real deep and pull out as hard as I could.  I loved to watch the yellow threads fray and sometimes a little stuffing would come out too.  That made me feel good, like I was really strong and brave.

M: How was the 8 hour car ride to Los Angeles?

A: At first I really didn't like it.  I had only ever been in a car a couple

times before and for not very long at all.  But once I found the perfect spot to settle in, I was fine.  I would have been happier if I could have sat by your feet in between the gas and the brake pedals, but you were not very understanding about that and made me move.  I thought that was a little rude considering the stress I was under, but you kept talking about safety.  Whatever.

M: Can you tell me about the arrival home and meeting mom's cat Bear for the first time?

A: Yeah, I was scared at first.  Bear is big and black and she likes to stare at me with those yellow eyes.  It's kinda creepy.  But once I realized that she really just wants to be my friend and she's pretending not to like me since she's old and crotchety, it was easier.  When I got the nerve to go upstairs for the first time, I was mesmerized.  There are so many chairs to sit on and balconies to go out on, it was unlike anything I'd ever seen.  Bear doesn't like it when I go in mom's room, but I do it anyway.  I don't really care what she says because sticks and stones may break my bones, but meows will never hurt me.  And also, I'm rubber and she's glue, so what she meows bounces off me and sticks to her.  So there!

M: Ok, ok, now settle down.  There's no reason to get upset.  

A: Meow, meow (translation: I'm hungry.  Feed me.)

M: What's your favorite part about being in Southern California?

A: I get to go outside.  I wasn't allowed to go outside in San Francisco, but here I can go outside as much as I want.  I like to watch the bugs, chew on the plants, smell the rocks and trees and lots of other stuff too.  There is this really mean neighbor cat who tries to come into our backyard, so I also have to tell her who's boss.  Sometimes she meows really low to try to intimidate me, but I'm not scared of her.  I just hold my ground and meow back until she goes away.  At first, you, mom and Jerry thought there were babies crying in the backyard, but it was just me being tough.  Did I mention that I'm really brave?

M: Well it sounds like you're adjusting to your new life quite nicely.  Is there anything else you want to tell the readers?

A: Yes... just that I'm getting ready to write an autobiography called "A Cat's Life: The Trials and Tribulations of Living with Humans" and I encourage them to look for it on Amazon.com in the future.  I'm also trying to break into modeling.  I'd love to do a spread in Cat Fancy, so if anyone knows any editors there, please put in a good meow for me. Purrs of encouragement, catnip or cans of Friskies (I only eat the seafood flavors) can be sent to me here in Redondo Beach.  Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meoooow. (translation: I'm still hungry.  Is it time to eat yet?  Oh, and goodbye).